So, you’ve heard about what life will be like at Gonzaga, both inside and outside the classroom and, for the most part, you think you’re ready. Maybe you truly are. For some of you, the summer will drag on and you will be counting down the days until you move into your new residence hall, meet new friends and maybe try to win a coveted intramural t-shirt and gain independence from your family (FREEDOM)!
Adjusting to Gonzaga will be a major transition in your life. For many Zags, the transition includes moving out of the family home for the first time, making new friends and facing increased academic demands. You will be searching for independence in your life. At the same time, you are striving to reconfigure the relationship with your families in ways that support your increasing need for independence, but also satisfy the need for support and connection.
We know that staying connected to your family members during your first year will help you succeed inside and outside the classroom. “Why?” you ask. Because this support group has, and will continue to, support you for the next four years and, as much as you are transitioning, so are they. Consider this: your family has been present and participated in the daily moments of your life for 17 to 18 years and, in less than a month, they become spectators, some from great distances, to this next phase of your life. Your family is trying to decide how they are going to handle this new life stage and this is a great time to talk with them about your excitement, your sadness, your fears and let them know they will be missed. Yes, you will be making decisions now and you need to take responsibility for your college experience and education. But remember, it is important to establish what kind of relationship you’ll have with your family while you are away at Gonzaga. Also, keep in mind that this evolution will affect the whole family. Siblings, favorite aunts and uncles and grandparents will be transitioning to understand the “new” relationship they will have with you once you head out for Gonzaga, so include them in the process.
Here are a few helpful guidelines to navigate the conversation:
Do: Establish when and how often you’ll communicate with your family. Some students call home often. Others don’t. Understanding student and family expectations about the kind of contact that will be maintained is important. Have a discussion about what each family member needs, as a minimum, and wants, as a maximum, of contact. Also, discuss ideal conditions – times of day, days of the week that respect each person’s sleep habits, study needs, work schedules, etc.
Don’t: Only call/text when something goes wrong. If you only call when things go wrong, families worry and think your college experience isn’t going well, or that you are failing all of your exams. Make sure to include them in the many good moments that you are having at Gonzaga.
Do: Understand you will have homesickness. Missing family, friends, pets and old routines is normal. Ask for support from your family, and let them know you are missing them.
Do: Have a conversation about how you would like to be supported once you leave for Gonzaga. This can begin a dialogue with your family so the relationship can best meet each of your changing needs.
Do: Enjoy your time at Gonzaga, make the most out of this amazing opportunity and, of course, thank your family!
Amy Swank is the Director of Parent and Family Relations at Gonzaga University.