Parent-to-Parent

As parents of three Zags (’08,’10,’13), we have always looked forward to having the kids home during the holiday season. Yes, in some respects while they’ve been gone, it’s been nice to not worry about how much food is in the fridge, what time the kids are due home from a party, the extra loads of laundry, etc. However, we still truly enjoy having them home.  Each of us has our own vision of what the ideal Holiday homecoming should be.  Our hope is that through our experiences you may gain a realistic expectation of how this time may be interpreted by your Zag, and simple steps you can take to avoid any disappointment.

Reminiscing back to November 2004, we remember driving to the airport with great anticipation to welcome our daughter home from GU for the first time since August. We knew it was going to be a fantastic four days just like all of the past Thanksgivings right?  Well, suffice to say, I think we saw her for Thanksgiving dinner and that was it! Little did we know, prior to coming home she had already scheduled visits to see all of her friends over the course of those four days, and literally was squeezing in the family stuff . . . and yes, she left with the car as soon as we arrived home at 10 p.m. that evening.  Don’t get us wrong, she was excited to be home, she was ecstatic to see us, she had a blast, but we were deflated.  Didn’t she come home to see us?  Weren’t we more important than her friends?  The answers were a resounding “Yes,” yet she hadn’t seen her friends since August either and she “knew we’d understand.” Even her younger siblings felt a bit jaded.  They were looking forward to spending time with her, too.  The weekend was a whirlwind, and as she left for the return flight to GU, we looked at each other and sighed, “guess we’ll have to wait ’til Christmas break.”

As “the parents” we’ve always been told that college is all about the student and not the parent.  Yeah, we agree, but this was ridiculous.  Here is what Mom did to never allow the above situation to occur again.  “Give your Zag a schedule of activities in advance of their return home.” Earlier is better.  Believe it, he/she has probably already texted, FaceBooked, or Twittered part of this sacred family ritual away to be with their friends from home and you have no idea!  So, you need to communicate their family obligations and send a schedule listing the times for all of the family events.  Make sure to allow time for them to see their friends. Otherwise, it’s not fair.

Hint: Encourage them to invite their friends over rather than leave the house.  This way you get to hear all of the great stories from the past three months firsthand!

On another note, the end of the semester is looming near.  Some students (even the straight-A types) may be “freaking out” over a particular class.  This is the time to remind them to “Read the class syllabus.” Surprisingly, so many do not clearly understand what makes up their grade in a class. You can generally reassure them that a blown test or paper is not the end of the world when they realize exactly what that particular task was worth.  There generally is still time to recover but damage control needs to start NOW!

As always, planning is everything.  Hopefully, these suggestions will help make Holiday time home with your Zag everything you expect it to be.