Parent to Parent

By Veronica Mayo
This is a busy time!  For many families, there is the added excitement of preparing for the return of your college freshman for the Christmas break.  This might be the first time some families have seen their student since school began last fall.  Other families have settled into a familiar routine of welcoming a returning Gonzaga student.   Some families may have the added joy or stress of welcoming several students from different schools.   I use the word stress, because in addition to all the holiday planning and activities this can be a stressful and challenging time for the children and parents. I didn’t realize how challenging it is until my own daughter came home for Christmas break for the first time.  I didn’t think about it as much as I should have, nor did I do enough planning to ensure the transition for my daughter and our family was smooth.

Generally, our children will be very excited to be home for the Christmas break, especially after their grueling exam week!  However, don’t be surprised if this excitement is short-lived.  The transition from college life to home life is hard for kids.  In the case of my daughter, she felt a loss and almost immediately started missing her friends (as a parent I was confused because just a few weeks prior, the conversations centered on how much she missed home).  Our students have become accustomed to all sorts of freedoms, eating at odd hours, living with their roommates, hectic study schedules and yes, an active social life!  Within a few days of being home they will begin texting their friends about their boredom and lack of things to do at home.  They will even tell you that they can’t wait to get back to school!  They might also become irritable. Don’t take it personally. As I mentioned, the transition is hard for them.  Knowing this fact is half the battle.

Here is a list of my lessons learned:

Don’t ask a lot of questions.  Let your child decompress.  They will open up about their college experience in their own time.

Give them lots of space and don’t be shocked if they spend most of the time in bed or sleeping really late the first few days.

To avoid disappointment, don’t assume your student(s) want to participate in all the traditional family activities.  They have gotten used to making their own schedules.  The annual trip to see The Nutcracker might not go over really big.  Ask.

Make their favorite foods.  They will appreciate a home cooked meal.

If you decorate your home for Christmas, don’t forget to add a festive touch to your student’s room. But don’t be overly aggressive in cleaning out the clutter or rearranging items in their room(s) before they arrive.  They expect their room to be just as they left it.

I am one of those old-fashioned parents who can’t sleep well if our kids are out.  Discuss the rules for coming and going during Christmas break.  This can be a touchy topic, because at school, students answer to no one.

Talk to other parents about their experiences and how they dealt with the transition.   You will soon discover that your child is perfectly normal.

Finally, enjoy your time together because they will be back at school before you know it!

Veronica Mayo is the mother of Gonzaga alumna Christina Lopes (’09).  She is the creator of the Vemayca Cosmetic bag (www.vemayca.com) and Founder of Vemayca LLC.   She enjoys writing about organizing and her experiences with Gonzaga.