The First Visit Home

By: Nicola Miller

For many of our students, the first time they visit home as a college student will be during the Thanksgiving break. This visit is almost always a time our students look forward to, as it is a well-deserved break from the daily pressures of college and academic life. However, many students also struggle with their new identity as legal adults who now live away from home and control their own environment and schedule on a daily basis. Coming home to a pre-established schedule, curfew and structure can be a shock to some students. Knowing this, we encourage parents and families to be prepared for some strong reactions when being clear and firm with the expectations of being “home” with their students.

Many students come to college and leave a high school relationship behind. Others continue those relationships while away at college. Building relationships, both with friends and those more romance-based, are an integral part of the college experience.  This is a time for students to discover what they like and dislike both in friends and potential life partners. In many cases, relationship building is a great growth opportunity and mostly positive experience.  Most college students will graduate not only with a degree, but also with valuable relationship experience. It is likely that in your student’s first visit home at Thanksgiving, these relationships will be re-examined. We find that many of these types of relationships end over the Thanksgiving break and students return to Gonzaga newly single and sometimes feeling alone or disconnected.

Below is a list of resources to aid Gonzaga students who may be struggling with relationship issues:

• If your student begins to tell you about relationship problems, listen carefully; encourage your student to share his/her concerns.
• Listen for any signs of relationship violence. Common signs may include:
  1. Name calling or insults.
  2. Isolating the student from friends, family, or other environments.
  3. Constantly monitoring where the other person is; calling or texting excessively.
  4. Threats or acts of physical harm.

If what you hear is concerning, ask your student directly if his/her significant other has been physically, verbally or emotionally violent.  If the answer is yes, encourage your student to reach out to Residence Life staff, Campus Security, the Center for Cura Personalis, or the Counseling Center on campus.

• Encourage your student to get involved on campus and find ways to meet new friends such as playing on an intramural sports team, joining a student club or attending athletic events.

• Help make your student aware of campus resources such as a Resident Advisor (RA), the Counseling Center (509-313-4054), the Student Health Center (509-313-4052) and the Center for Cura Personalis (509-313-2227).