My Path of Spiritual Transformation

By: Kassi Picchi, Class of 2015

I owe it all to a nameless girl. She was at one of the booths during orientation weekend and I’m not sure if she was tired or just not as enthusiastic as some of the other students, maybe it’s my flawed memory but, whatever it was, in her monotone voice she said, “Hi, you need to go on First Year Retreat, you will meet a lot of people.”  My dad, who was with me at the time, gave me money to sign up first thing next week.

When December rolled around freshman year, and it was my turn to go on First Year Student retreat, I was extremely hesitant. I had no idea what it meant to be on a retreat and I had never shared my religious beliefs or practices with anyone. What kind of weekend was I heading into? I reluctantly decided that it would be best for me if I just went.

During small group time was the first time I had opened up to anyone at GU, and the first time someone knew more about me besides my name, major and dorm. I even cried in front of them. This was the first time I felt like someone was finally listening, and I felt accepted and cared for. I could say exactly how I felt without feeling ashamed or embarrassed.

After the retreat was over, this same small group formed into a Christian Life Community (CLC) group where we continued to meet once a week for the next two years to discuss faith, struggles, pain, joy, ask questions, and seek answers together. Applications came around to be a CLC leader, and I felt a sort of draw toward this application. I knew if I applied I would have to share myself with other students, let all inhibitions go, be vulnerable, and dig deeper in how I was living my life and what faith had to do with my life at all.

How was my faith connected with the other parts of my life? To be honest, it wasn’t at all. There was an everyday Kassi, then on Sunday at 8 am there was a Kassi who prayed, sang to and listened to God—but only for an hour.

Maybe I wasn’t ready for this. I did not know how to be a leader of a small group, let alone one where we discussed our faith life, when mine seemed practically nonexistent.

But then I thought about all the things I had learned during my time spent with my CLC: I learned what it means to Be Still; I began to count blessings, especially as I passed the front of college hall by St. Ignatius; I started to practice the Jesuit concept of finding God in all things; I realized God’s love surrounds us all the time, not just on Sunday or in a church building; I came to understand what it meant to forgive someone who had broken my heart, and what it meant to accept that God loves that person and, even if that person hurt me, I love that person too.

I felt called to become a CLC leader because I wanted to take that love my leaders and small group had given me as well as the love I did not see was from God and live it out. I wanted to share this love with someone else.

CLC proved to be the most comforting and loving experience throughout my four years at Gonzaga. Because of the support I felt from my group and the things I had gained, I was able to take the risk to sign up for Search, Cardoner Retreat and the Monserrat Contemplative Retreat.  These retreats encouraged me to look beyond the surface:  to explore God’s love for me, to discuss my deepest desires and to seek God’s wisdom in the silence.

This year I have had the great privilege to work in University Ministry. Working with the University Ministry team in my final year has been the greatest gift I have received in all of my four years. Coming into the office every day, I see how many students interact with this office. I see the joy on their faces when they come in and how they stay for 20 minutes when they only meant to stop in for five. I have seen through our student assistants how different each student leads their particular ministry and how coordinators and students change their ministry to fit each individual’s specific needs.

The Gonzaga Community teaches students how to have a big heart, how little acts of kindness can change the world, and how their skills can be aligned with their passions. University Ministry does all these things and more. They accept you at your starting point, and they walk alongside you without pushing, pulling, or forcing. I entered Gonzaga and identified with Catholicism, not really understanding more than that God loves me. Now, I feel confident and able to articulate what being Catholic means to me, how important a faith community is to me, and how spirituality is engrained into every aspect of my life.  I went from feeling alone, to being a part of a whole. I went from being left in the dark to being known.  I went from being a participant to becoming a peer minister. I went from a life that was compartmentalized to a life inseparable from faith. University Ministry has taught me what it means to be a woman with and for others and how to live out God’s love in the world.

So thank you to the nameless Zag who welcomed me into UMin and changed my life forever.