Finding a Sense of Belonging

 

By: Matt Lamsma

I’m going to admit an assumption as I begin writing this morning. Most of the parents and family members who are reading this are close to my age. I base this on my past years’ experience at Parent & Family Orientation and in the hope that, if I state it, my outdated pop-culture references will resonate with you. Do you remember the TV sitcom, Cheers? Even if you never watched the show, maybe you remember the show’s tagline and refrain from the theme song promising that this Boston bar was a place, “where everyone knows your name.”

Fast forward almost 25 years since the finale, and you are the parent of a college student. As a parent myself, I LONG for my daughter to find a tight community; somewhere to belong. While I pray that her place isn’t the local pub, I do hope that she finds a place where everyone knows her name. I would guess that is similar for you. In fact, some of you may have chosen Gonzaga University because we stress the importance of “community” or because your student left a campus visit believing that they could “fit” here. My hope is that your student does find a strong sense of belonging at Gonzaga. I believe that the social and emotional security that can accompany being in a strong community makes it more likely that students will explore a new idea without fear, challenge themselves to participate in a new activity, and bounce back from a poor test grade. Because they always have a “safe” place to return.

 

I see two specific challenges with finding a sense of belonging: 1) it takes time to develop 2) it happens differently for everyone. I will conclude with a few suggestions for tackling both of these challenges.

 

A strong sense of belonging takes time to develop:

• I can’t imagine that the first time one of the lead characters walked into Cheers that everyone chanted, “Norm!” This familiarity took time to develop. The same is true at Gonzaga. Your student may instantly click with their roommate, find a life-long friend in their Orientation group, and sit next to a 4-year study partner in their first class. But that isn’t likely. I talk with many students who do not get along with their roommate, who feel homesick, and who don’t feel they are connecting with other students. Encourage your student to keep meeting new people and remind them that the friendships they had in high school took years to develop.

 

A strong sense of belonging happens differently for everyone:

• I am an introvert. As such, I would rather “people watch” than “people interact.” This can make it more difficult for me to find a sense of belonging in a new place. However, it doesn’t mean that I don’t long to be in community with others. The same is true for many Gonzaga students. Others are exactly the opposite and can easily “put themselves out there” to meet new people. You are likely to know how your student will be able to find their place at Gonzaga. Maybe it will be starting from getting to know 3 or 4 students in their residence hall and then collectively starting an intramural team with a few others. Or maybe they are likely to be interested in 12 different student clubs, attend a variety of meetings, and select the few where they really connect. Whatever the case, encourage them to interact in ways and places where they will be most successful. From there, they can move outside of their comfort zone and find new areas of interest or other places to belong.

 

As I stated earlier, my hope is that your student does find a strong sense of belonging at Gonzaga. If I am able to help your student discover his or her special place at Gonzaga, please let me know.