By: Marianne Kersten, National Parent and Family Council Chair

Dear Zag Families,

With the holidays quickly approaching, our homes will soon be filled with excitement and intensity as our students return home from school.  We have always looked forward to having the kids home during Christmas break. Yes, in some respects while they’ve been gone, it’s been nice to not worry about how much food is in the fridge, what time the kids are due home from a party, the extra loads of laundry, etc.  However, we still truly enjoy having them home. Each of us has our own vision and expectation of what the ideal Holiday Season should be. Our hope is that, through our experiences, you may gain a realistic expectation of how this time may be interpreted by your Zag and simple steps you can take to avoid any disappointment.

For many of you, your ZAG has not returned home since that tearful August day when you left their residence hall room with a final, “I LOVE YOU!”  Well, your student has managed to make friends, participate in “outside” activities and has now probably decided that STUDYING needs a little more attention. As parents, we anticipate the arrival of the same child we left standing in that room, with the newly added excitement of returning home ready to spend time with the family. This is where your disappointment can begin….

Reminiscing back to November of 2013, we remember driving to the airport with great anticipation to welcome our daughter home. We knew it was going to be a fantastic four days… just like all of the past Thanksgivings, right? Well, suffice to say, I think we saw her for Thanksgiving dinner and that was it! Little did we know, prior to coming home, she had already scheduled visits to see all of her friends over the course of those four days, and literally was squeezing in the family stuff…and yes, she left with the car as soon as we arrived home at 10 pm that evening. Don’t get us wrong, she was excited to be home, she was ecstatic to see us, she had a blast, but we were deflated. Didn’t she come home to see us? Weren’t we more important than her friends? The answers were a resounding “yes,” yet she hadn’t seen her friends since August, either, and she “knew we’d understand.”

The weekend was a whirlwind, and as she left for the return flight to GU, we looked at each other and sighed, “Guess we’ll have to wait until Christmas break.”

As parents, “letting go” is one of the most difficult things we do; but we know that for our children to grow, we must allow them to make choices on their own; after all…college is all about the student, and not the parent. Yes, we agree, but not when they return home!  Here is what we did to help our student make BETTER choices:

• Several weeks before the holiday, e-mail a kind note to your student with a family calendar where all the family events are clearly stated with times.
• Communicate your expectations of “curfew.”  Remember your Zag comes and goes as they please at GU.
• Invite your Zag to have friends over to your home.This is a great way to hear a few more stories about the last few months.
• Let your Zag know how much their siblings are looking forward to spending time with him/her.
• Make sure to allow time for them to see their friends.

The key to “A Merry Little Christmas”, or a “Happy Thanksgiving” is COMMUNICATION!  If we as parents do not communicate our expectations, our disappointment will not be with our Zag but with ourselves.

As always, planning is everything.  Hopefully, these suggestions will help make holiday time with your Zag everything you expect it to be.