Tips for Encouraging Student Success Through Family Support
By: Drew Satter, M.Ed., MBA, Assistant Director, Housing and Residence Life
Generally, universities have certain ways they prefer to work with students, and families can play a crucial role in supporting this work, and thereby supporting the success of their students. Below, you will find a general guide with some best practices for encouraging the success of your Zag!
When a student decides to come to Gonzaga, a parent, family member or loved one may feel an array of emotions. They may feel overjoyed that their student is attending a fantastic school like Gonzaga, leaving home for the first time and beginning their post-K-12 life. They may feel nervous about the new challenges their student will face and wonder if their student will make the right social choices, academic decisions or remember how to – or even just to do – their laundry. There are many other emotions that loved ones may experience when their Zag is in school and, on top of that, families might be unsure of how to best navigate situations that arise when their student is in college.
I have young children and I know how protective I can be of them. We all want the best for our kids and it’s difficult to walk the line of pushing or encouraging them for something and times when it’s best to allow them to struggle or even fail. So, when your student leaves for college, what’s the best route to take? Luckily, your students have a team of committed staff and faculty who are able to help them through college and have some pointers on what to do.
Talk with your student. You might be thinking, “Yeah, I already do that.” That’s a good start! It’s important to talk with them periodically, but also allow for them to grow outside the protective nest. Texting your student constantly is also not a great way for them to learn how to manage themselves and create meaningful relationships that are so important for development at college. On the flip side, it might be a good idea to set up a 10-30-minute phone call once every week or every other week. I know that sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder and, as a student, I was much more receptive to that than other methods.
Empower your student. Your student may have complaints about what is going on around them. Some of their remarks can be venting and you can hear them out. However, it is ok to encourage them to do something about whatever is irking them. Many students come into college lacking healthy confrontational skills and living in the residence halls provides an opportunity to improve those skills in a safe environment. Some negative situations can be properly handled if there is proper communication. In my decade-plus of working in Residence Life, I can say that 85-90% of roommate conflicts come down to the roommates improperly communicating due to fear, nervousness or lack of skill. Empowering your student also extends to all other aspects of the university. You can guide them on what some good steps would be, but in the end, the student needs to make those decisions for themselves and advocate for themselves. We have staff that can assist students with that, where appropriate. If a parent or loved one comes in and takes care of things for the student, the student is missing a chance to navigate the crucial lesson and skill for future situations. Gonzaga is preparing your student for life and their career and I would hope that a family member wouldn’t attempt to step in when their student works for Amazon or Boeing and has a tough time with a coworker.
Guide your student. You have some great knowledge to pass along to your student. Feel out when it is the best time to periodically give some advice to your student. I stress periodically, since it can sometimes be challenging for students to take advice from parents and other family members.
Gather resources. Ask questions and look for information about resources in the Parent and Family Newsletter, in the Parent and Family Guide or online on the university website. You can help to guide your student, if you are familiar with resources and information specific to Gonzaga University.
Take it with a grain of salt. Your student may be emotional, want to vent about something, or – heaven forbid – they may be blowing something out of proportion. Having dealt with situations involving a discrepancy between a family’s story and a student’s story several times, the majority of the time, there is a disconnect between what story the family has heard vs the story the student is telling us. This is another time where you can empower your student to come talk to us. If the student doesn’t want to or doesn’t end up doing it, they’ll have to live with the situation and that is another crucial learning moment. It has also been said that there are three sides to everything: 1) One side 2) The other side 3) The truth. So, please remember this when there is a situation that arises with your student.
Realize that your own emotions are in play. Similar to the grain of salt, know that you are emotionally invested in your student and that may skew your view of the situation, especially if you feel that your student has been wronged. Sometimes, it might make sense to take a step back from the situation or bounce it off someone you trust, in order to see a situation properly.
Love your student. We are so proud of our Zags and we know we have a LOT of incredible students here. It’s challenging to adjust to having someone you love away from you, but you can still show them your love through a variety of ways. Small care packages, notes in the mail or a few words of love and encouragement can go a long way. Your student is working quite hard and it helps to remind them that they do have a support system cheering them on!
In summary, please help to empower your student to take actions into their own hands. The more that you allow them to do, the better prepared they will be for living on their own, classes, jobs and life in general. We are working together to raise young adults and Gonzaga is one of the best places you’ll find to do that.