Family to Family – Home for the Holidays

 

 

By: Hank and Alice Davis, current parents

As the parents of a Senior and Sophomore Zag we always look forward to the holidays when the whole family is home together. Thinking back to the first times our son and daughter came home from school we wanted to share our stories and experience in hopes that you can have the best of times with your student(s) when they first come back home from school.

When our son who is our first child came home from school for the first time and we picked him up at the airport, I vividly recall how excited we all were to see him.
Our visions of our son running towards us with arms wide open as he left the terminal were fast fleeting as his slow and casual gait indicated otherwise, he also looked rather tired and a little ragged
certainly the longer unkempt hair added to this picture. That being said, he was very happy about being a Zag and
excited to see us, just a little different than what we as parents had imagined.  As soon as we got settled into the 30 minute drive home, we quickly started firing questions at him about his semester, friends and plans for
the break. What we quickly realized while this probing line of fire worked well in the past it was completely ineffective in the present.
Our generation is different and I think the definition of probing has changed and we have taken probing to a new level.
The good news is we  have learned in time not to jump in with questions and to just let the conversation flow
as it goes much better for everyone (the kid isn’t annoyed and we aren’t disappointed!). Our son, unlike many kids, stayed home much of the time with us and we got to see him a good bit. With our daughter, we got home, had
a quick dinner and she was out the door. I fell asleep at my normal time and didn’t wake up until the morning while my wife waited up until she got home at the ripe hour of 1AM. The next day both kids slept for what felt like an eternity while we anxiously waited for them to get up so we could ask them more questions. When they woke up we had a nice breakfast ready even though it was lunch time and after eating, they both quickly slipped out the door to see friends. I remember looking at met wife and wondering what we had done wrong or perhaps right but at the end of the day our kids were growing into young adults and had started having their own life which is a good thing…..

I thought that the empty feeling that August day after the infamous mass and flying home after dropping the kids off was probably the last time I would feel that incredibly sad and empty feeling but that wasn’t the case after dropping my
son off after coming home the first time. I recall my wife crying (again) and asking if we could go shopping as she was depressed—this was becoming a costly fix.
I would suggest you have something fun planned after that first drop off (Thanksgiving or XMAS) in case you have those same feelings. I remember calling a friend who had been through this experience with his two kids and asking him if we were going to feel this way every time we said good bye the next 4 years and I recall him laughing and saying it would get better. He was indeed right and for us we were back to normal when he went back to school the following August and each visit after that first time home got a little easier to handle. Its still sad after they leave and we are alone in our quiet house but I think we’re only depressed for a day…

As parents of the helicopter and probing generation, it was hard to let go and stop micro managing our kids. We have learned over time to allow them to live their life, not ask them about their grades,
help them get through difficult times by coaching them on the sideline and not jumping in with the answers on how we’d deal with their issues and just enjoy the time we have together. We have also learned that to make the most of those first time home visits let your student know well ahead of times of planned family events and any expectations we might have (what time to be home by or send a text before 10 PM indicating if they will be crashing at their friends house for the night) and to go with the flow.