Building Relationships

 

By: Kyle Myers

Building relationships, both with friends and those more romance-based, are an integral part of the college experience.  This is a time for students to discover what they like and dislike both in friends and potential life partners.  In many cases, relationship building is a great growth opportunity and mostly positive experience.  And yes, having a friend by your side while in this process can be both a comfort and confidence booster! Friends are there to ask what is normal in relationships, give advice, and comfort students if relationships do not go quite the way the student hoped.  Most college students will graduate not only with a degree, but also with valuable relationship experience.  Every year, though, Gonzaga receives a small number of reports of violence between dating partners and sometimes even roommates. Often times, sexual violence and relationship violence can go hand in hand.  Over the past two years, Gonzaga has implemented a program called Zags Help Zags.  This program challenges each member of our community to actively work to counter acts of power-based personal violence and make the prevention of further violence a personal priority.  This culture changing program has the goal of capitalizing on the power of peer influence to challenge the current relationship norms and set new norms.  This year in an effort to increase prevention efforts and offer more education around both sexual assault and relationship violence, our Sexual Assault Awareness Month programming includes programming centered on healthy relationships.

Students can join their fellow Zags in the following events throughout April:

• A Gathering in Solidarity with Survivors: A Call to Action
  • Friday, April 13^th 12:00-1:00 p.m. outside Hemmingson Center
  • A gathering to show support for survivors and provide tangible ways for our campus to be a part of the national movement to end sexual assault.
• Presidential Speaker Series: Tarana Burke and Ronan Farrow
  • Friday, April 20^th 7:30 p.m. in McCarthey
  • A presidential speaker series event on “The Power of Social Discourse and the Complexity of the #MeToo Movement.”
• #MeToo Dialogue Lunch and Learn
  • Monday, April 23^rd 12:00-1:00 p.m.
  • Join us in the Center for Student Involvement for discussion surrounding the #MeToo Movement and sexual assault awareness. Lunch will be provided.
• The Escalation Workshop
  • A film-based discussion that opens people’s eyes to the warning signs of relationship abuse. The workshop consists of the film, Escalation, followed by a guided discussion led by a trained facilitator.
  • Offered 5:30-7:30 p.m. | April 4, 17, 26 (dinner provided, RSVP to toveye@gonzaga.edu)
• Zags Help Zags: C.A.R.E. Training
  • This training will provide an overview of the Zags Help Zags C.A.R.E. strategies with regard to relationships. Participants will engage in dialogue aimed at challenging gender norms as well as learn how to recognize signs of relationship violence. Participants will build skills to empower them to contribute to ending all forms of sexual and relationship violence on our campus.
  • Offered 11 a.m.-noon | April 7, 22
  • Noon-1 p.m. | April 7, 10, 18, 22
  • 6-7 p.m. | April 10, 16, 24

Below is a list of resources to aid Gonzaga students who may be struggling with relationship issues:

• There is a pattern to most domestic violence.  Familiarize yourself with the cycle of domestic violence, and look for warning signs. Visit http://www.loveisrespect.org/for-someone-else/help-my-child/ or
• If your student begins to tell you about relationship problems, listen carefully; encourage your student to share their concerns. Common signs may include:
  1. Name calling or insults.
  2. Isolating the student from friends, family, or other environments.
  3. Constantly monitoring where the other person is; calling or texting excessively.
  4. Threats or acts of physical harm.
• Learn more about the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships here: https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/

If what you hear is concerning, ask your student directly if their significant other has been physically, verbally or emotionally violent.  If the answer is yes, encourage your student to reach out to the Center for Cura Personalis, Campus Security, the Student Development Office, Housing & Residence Life or Health & Counseling Services on campus.

• If your student calls saying that they has been a victim of domestic violence or sexual assault, encourage them to get to a safe place and call the GU Campus Advocate with LCS Northwest. The advocate will connect them with resources as well as let them know what their reporting options are both on and off campus. The GU Advocate is available by text at 509-342-8564 or students can leave a voice message.

• • An advocate is available 24/7 at 509-642-7273 for immediate support.

• As a parent, you may want to take control of this situation.  Because domestic violence situations are about control, it is very important to allow the person who experienced violence to be in control.  When friends or family try to take over, this may unintentionally re-victimize the person involved. Offer support and advice, but make sure that your child is the one who makes decisions and is in control of the situation.
• There are a number of things that Gonzaga does to respond to a report of domestic violence.  Both parties are met with separately as soon as possible after the incident occurs.  Domestic violence is a violation of the university’s Ethos Statement and results in a judicial hearing, usually with a Director or Dean level judicial officer.  The university frequently uses communication/contact agreements, documents that prohibit communication and contact between involved parties. When appropriate, sanctions are given to students found responsible for domestic violence.  Sanctions can include anything from counseling to removal from the university at the discretion of the judicial officer. Gonzaga has a legal obligation under Title IX to take action after a report of domestic violence and believes that the actions we take also align with the Jesuit, Catholic and humanistic mission of the institution.

If you have questions or concerns about resources for students in unsafe or violent relationships, please call the Center for Cura Personalis at 509-313-2227.