Building Relationships, Both With Friends and Those More Romance-based

By: Jill Yashinsky

Building relationships, both with friends and those more romance-based, are an integral part of the college experience.  This is a time for students to discover what they like and dislike both in friends and potential life partners.  In many cases, relationship building is a great growth opportunity and mostly positive experience.  Every year, though, Gonzaga receives a small number of reports of violence between dating partners and sometimes even roommates.  Below is a list of resources to aid Gonzaga students who may be struggling with these issues.

• There is a pattern to most domestic violence.  Familiarize yourself with the cycle of domestic violence, and look for warning signs.
• If your student begins to tell you about relationship problems, listen carefully; encourage your student to share his/her concerns. If what you hear is concerning, ask your student directly if his/her significant other has been physically, verbally or emotionally violent.  If the answer is yes, encourage your student to reach out to Residence Life staff, Campus Security, the Student Life Office, or the Counseling Center on campus.
• As a parent, you may want to take control of this situation.  Because domestic violence situations are about control, it is very important to allow the person who experienced violence to be in control.  When friends or family try to take over, this may unintentionally re-victimize the person involved.
• If your student calls saying that he/she has been a victim of domestic violence, encourage him/her to get to a safe place and call the police or Campus Security immediately.
• Gonzaga often has open spaces in Residence Halls where students who have experienced significant trauma can move to temporarily or on a more permanent basis if needed.  In most cases, spaces are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week by getting in touch with on call Residence Life, Student Life, or Security staff.
• Gonzaga can do a number of things to support students who report domestic violence.  Both parties are met with separately as soon as possible after the incident occurs.  Domestic violence is a violation of the university’s Ethos Statement and results in a judicial hearing, usually with a Director or Dean level judicial officer.  The university frequently uses communication/contact agreements:  documents that prohibit communication and contact between involved parties. When appropriate, sanctions are given to students found responsible for domestic violence.  Sanctions can include anything from counseling to removal from the university at the discretion of the judicial officer.
• Students always have the option of contacting local law enforcement and are encouraged to do so if their safety is in danger.  Law enforcement officials can also help with protective orders through Spokane County if a student feels this is necessary.
• The YWCA also runs the Alternatives to Domestic Violence Program (ADVP) in Spokane County.  ADVP supports and advocates for victims who are experiencing abuse and violence in their relationships. The number for their 24-hour help line is 509-326-CALL (326-2255).